a little peace

a little peaceposted on 09/27/2007
Okay...so today I secured some money for the adoption.....just in case I need it. This helps me feel a little more secure in the process. I can now relax a little bit about the cost of everything. I also received the good news that the state of Mississippi now has an adoption credit of $2500. which will help some too!!!
I am going shopping this weekend with Parker and Ally and we are going to get a few things for them and for the baby. They are excited because they each get to take a friend and we are staying at a nice hotel. I am going to put Ally's dresser in the baby's room ( it is somewhat sentimental) and get Ally a big girl dresser. I cannot wait to get the baby's room together. I have some painting to do!! I hope it not cheesy.
My family is so sweet about everything and my friends ask daily about my progress. I am getting more and more excited. I have been researching this heavily for around 4 years and decided to do it some 1o years ago....so it is hard not to get excited at this point!
I just can't wait to see her and hold her for the first time. I am going in to this knowing that anything can happen and expecting that things might now be perfect, but that what is meant to be will work out for the best. I know that the age is not as important to me as I thought before. I would love a todder just as much and they are just as special.
maybe I will go back and get a little older child next time!!!!!!! I know that tha is crazy to say. It is hard not to want to reach out to all of the orpans when you have love to give!!!!
May God be with all of the lonely and abandoned children in this world and lay his comforting hand on their back while they sleep tonight. I hope that my baby girl is warm and fed. I hope she is satisfied and comfortable. It is the weirded sensation to think that your daughter is probably out there somewhere just waiting on someone to love her wholly and unconditionally. breathing, and crying when she is wet or hungry. I want to comfort for her!

This picture shows peace and hope, which is what I feel. It was taken in a beautiful Roman ruins in Morocco last year and it was a very moving and mesmerizing place. I felt more centered and alive after visiting that place.

I put the baby bed together today! (with a little help :)

Today was major! I cleared out her room and assembly began! I do not think I am too smart. I had some help with assembly, but we had troubles with the directions. Then, I got kind of bored and tried to wonder off and do other things.
It did get completed and is actually put together correctly, I might add. I cannot wait to get the bedding and see her sleeping in it like a little princess! She will be my Kazakh princess (probably in a bed made from China). Nonetheless, she will sleep nicely. I now must find a matress, but I want to find a really nice one to make up for the hard bed she probably has in the orphanage. I have bought her a few things and have to control my impulses to not buy excessive amounts of baby paraphenalia at this point. I get excited though!

Lesson one learned today: You cannot put a babybed together with Chewy (pekingnese) and Oliver (weenie dog) sitting in your lap and trying to play like crazy!

Just maybe this might really happen?!

The last several day I have little bursts of excitement and actually see a light at the end of the tunnel. I received my FBI fingerprints this week! Hooray. Also, my homestudy has been sent to USCIS so at least it is there and that is really the only thing I am waiting on. I hope it won't take forever! I still have a few apostilles to get, but those are easy and then my dossier is pretty much done!!!!! That is such a nice feeling, but it will be even nicer when it is gone and in Kaz. At least it will be out of my hands! Okay, that is just scary. Total lack of control of these precious pieces of paper is weird after months of perfecting and redoing documents.

Dreaming All Day of my little girl!!!!

I have stayed up late tonight thinking, obsessing about our website and how I want to do it for her and for our family and friends. I think that waiting for paperwork makes you a little crazy and you do whatever you can to feel involved and close to your daughter. At lease I am not buying stuff for her! I have noticed that some people are and I can't figure out how to do that because she could be hugeeee or kind of tiny. Who knows? I guess I can just stick with buying bows and toys for now.
gotta go to bed....

Hard Night Tonight

Today has been a rough day. A rough day at work and when I got home because I am so terrified that I might not be able to come up with all of the money necessary for the adoption. I am scared I might not be able to finish this job of bringing her back. The money and fear of not having enough sits on my chest like a heavy weight. How can I make it all work out?
Tonight I pray for our country.
I hope tomorrow I feel better about this.
Tosha

Sitting at the top of a rollarcoaster

Welcome to our baby blog! The apostilles for the majority of our documents arrived yesterday. That is so exciting because it actually feels like this may really happen. The paperwork is arduous and time consuming. Certainly this period if filled with fear, doubt, and "what if's". There are so many things to consider and the cost of this process is always looming and a bit scary. There are no guarantees and no way to know what and when anything will happen. I just know that I love her and keep on going with giant leaps of faith and trust that good things will happen.
It is so weird to think that somewhere out there, our baby is is alive. I daydream that she is warm and well-fed. I hope there is someone to rock her and put her to sleep. Today we are putting the baby bed together. I also bought her lifebook today and I am so excited!!!
She has a new pink and crystal chandelier and it will be so pretty in her new room.