Deep thoughts.....

My Pekingnese is saying, " No mom, don't wear those boots...I don't care if it is Chistmas.....you live in Mississippi and it it not even cold". I am saying, "But Chewey, you have your coat on .....and look...we match."

Merry Christmas to all my friends and family! It is late on Christmas Eve and I should be fast asleep hoping Santa will fill my stocking because I have been such a good girl. However, I have no problem staying up until 3 am reading blogs and following the families throught their amazing journeys. I like the night and would make a fantastic vamire, apparently.

I had a very good day shopping with the kids and bought baby bedding today that is just adorable! I bought Parker a luggage set today and he was so very proud of this!

As for the process, I am currently waiting for my home study license to be renewed and should have this documents in the next several weeks. I have redone 15 other documents as they were getting a little too old and I want them all to be fresh before heading to the big time! Andrea assures me everything else looks good! My dossier is otherwise ready and will hopeful go to translation the first or second week in January. I hope to breathe a little sigh of relief when that happens! I have sent it to Andrea already, so the only things she needs now are my updated documents!!!!!!!!

Kj and Steve and Jen and Marshall have come closer to ending their journey's and the end of their stories deserves a standing ovation. Seeing the two beautiful babies together in Kaz was just amazing. Congrads to them and I know that they will have many happy days ahead !!!!!

I am soo excited to travel and meet this little girl.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Shout out to my sisters.......we will be on a jet plane to see you guys in exactly 2 days!!!!!!! WOO HOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Let's go shopping girls!!!!!!

a little snag!

Okay, so I have been such a lazy person about writing in my blog. I think it is probably because I am just waiting. I recieved my 171 H and sent my completed dossier to my agency. Unfortunately, my home study license was going to expire Dec 31st and so we have been waiting for the last month for the new agency license. I was afraid that was going to be a problem. Then it was decided that I needed to update two documents. I have done that and am now just waiting on the updated license, then all will be ready for translation. I will just be so glad when I am in forward motion phase. My coordinator, Andrea has been great and I am just trusting in her and trying to realize that all good things come to those that wait.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, I am off all next week and going to Fayetteville, Ark. to see my sister for Christmas. She has two adorable babies and we will get to play!!!!!

THE ELUSIVE DOCUMENT HAS SURFACED!

I received my 171 H today!!!!!!! I am shocked and excited and doing the happy dance, the cha cha, and the electric slide all at the same time!!!!!! Dancing with the Stars would have been blown away! woooo hoooooo woooo whooo
we can move forwardddd :)
I am loving ready all of those blogs, especially the people who are now there adopting. A peek into the journey and experience whe dream about thus far.

Land of the Lost -- waiting on the 171 H

So today I switched my blog to this blog because I guess I didn't like the other blog. This blog thing has been a learning curve for me. Seems like everybody is doing it. Everybody's friends are doing it. So I am doing it. It is funny how you use these things to entertain yourself when you are waiting....and waiting......and waiting. Waiting on a little piece of paper that is the catalyst for all that is to come next. Waiting on this darn thing is getting me depressed. I mean really, you can work, work, work to get everything done and then you have complete loss of power. My homestudy was forwarded to the New Orleans office about a month ago. I have emailed them on multiple occasions to see if they recieved it (after reading horror stories about that happening). They don't email me back. Not one tiny word. I have called the main USCIS number and they say that they do not have access to that information. My only solution to check on it is to drive 3.5 hours to New Orleans and check myself in person. Ughhhh. I do have a job to keep, you know people! So, I am just waiting, but for some reason I am not feeling confident that it will ever come. There could be a problem and I would never know. What do others do about this????? I am a checker. I like to check on things and then double check. This whole thing is messing with my core personalty! And meanwhile, back at the ranch, my documents are silently aging........and no botox can bring them back!

The other issue is my homestudy license expires in Dec. so I will need a letter from the DHS lady stating that they are in good standing and blah blah. Still waiting. If the letter won't suffice, I may have to hold my dossier (that is if I get my 171 back) until the first of the year.
I know there will be setbacks, but I at least like to know that things are progressing.
right now.......nothing is progressing. I guess it is obvious, that lately, I have felt a little frustrated. I look forward to the day I send my dossier in and maybe then will I feel that this may really happen for us. I have not lost hope yet.

a little peace

a little peaceposted on 09/27/2007
Okay...so today I secured some money for the adoption.....just in case I need it. This helps me feel a little more secure in the process. I can now relax a little bit about the cost of everything. I also received the good news that the state of Mississippi now has an adoption credit of $2500. which will help some too!!!
I am going shopping this weekend with Parker and Ally and we are going to get a few things for them and for the baby. They are excited because they each get to take a friend and we are staying at a nice hotel. I am going to put Ally's dresser in the baby's room ( it is somewhat sentimental) and get Ally a big girl dresser. I cannot wait to get the baby's room together. I have some painting to do!! I hope it not cheesy.
My family is so sweet about everything and my friends ask daily about my progress. I am getting more and more excited. I have been researching this heavily for around 4 years and decided to do it some 1o years ago....so it is hard not to get excited at this point!
I just can't wait to see her and hold her for the first time. I am going in to this knowing that anything can happen and expecting that things might now be perfect, but that what is meant to be will work out for the best. I know that the age is not as important to me as I thought before. I would love a todder just as much and they are just as special.
maybe I will go back and get a little older child next time!!!!!!! I know that tha is crazy to say. It is hard not to want to reach out to all of the orpans when you have love to give!!!!
May God be with all of the lonely and abandoned children in this world and lay his comforting hand on their back while they sleep tonight. I hope that my baby girl is warm and fed. I hope she is satisfied and comfortable. It is the weirded sensation to think that your daughter is probably out there somewhere just waiting on someone to love her wholly and unconditionally. breathing, and crying when she is wet or hungry. I want to comfort for her!

This picture shows peace and hope, which is what I feel. It was taken in a beautiful Roman ruins in Morocco last year and it was a very moving and mesmerizing place. I felt more centered and alive after visiting that place.

I put the baby bed together today! (with a little help :)

Today was major! I cleared out her room and assembly began! I do not think I am too smart. I had some help with assembly, but we had troubles with the directions. Then, I got kind of bored and tried to wonder off and do other things.
It did get completed and is actually put together correctly, I might add. I cannot wait to get the bedding and see her sleeping in it like a little princess! She will be my Kazakh princess (probably in a bed made from China). Nonetheless, she will sleep nicely. I now must find a matress, but I want to find a really nice one to make up for the hard bed she probably has in the orphanage. I have bought her a few things and have to control my impulses to not buy excessive amounts of baby paraphenalia at this point. I get excited though!

Lesson one learned today: You cannot put a babybed together with Chewy (pekingnese) and Oliver (weenie dog) sitting in your lap and trying to play like crazy!

Just maybe this might really happen?!

The last several day I have little bursts of excitement and actually see a light at the end of the tunnel. I received my FBI fingerprints this week! Hooray. Also, my homestudy has been sent to USCIS so at least it is there and that is really the only thing I am waiting on. I hope it won't take forever! I still have a few apostilles to get, but those are easy and then my dossier is pretty much done!!!!! That is such a nice feeling, but it will be even nicer when it is gone and in Kaz. At least it will be out of my hands! Okay, that is just scary. Total lack of control of these precious pieces of paper is weird after months of perfecting and redoing documents.

Dreaming All Day of my little girl!!!!

I have stayed up late tonight thinking, obsessing about our website and how I want to do it for her and for our family and friends. I think that waiting for paperwork makes you a little crazy and you do whatever you can to feel involved and close to your daughter. At lease I am not buying stuff for her! I have noticed that some people are and I can't figure out how to do that because she could be hugeeee or kind of tiny. Who knows? I guess I can just stick with buying bows and toys for now.
gotta go to bed....

Hard Night Tonight

Today has been a rough day. A rough day at work and when I got home because I am so terrified that I might not be able to come up with all of the money necessary for the adoption. I am scared I might not be able to finish this job of bringing her back. The money and fear of not having enough sits on my chest like a heavy weight. How can I make it all work out?
Tonight I pray for our country.
I hope tomorrow I feel better about this.
Tosha

Sitting at the top of a rollarcoaster

Welcome to our baby blog! The apostilles for the majority of our documents arrived yesterday. That is so exciting because it actually feels like this may really happen. The paperwork is arduous and time consuming. Certainly this period if filled with fear, doubt, and "what if's". There are so many things to consider and the cost of this process is always looming and a bit scary. There are no guarantees and no way to know what and when anything will happen. I just know that I love her and keep on going with giant leaps of faith and trust that good things will happen.
It is so weird to think that somewhere out there, our baby is is alive. I daydream that she is warm and well-fed. I hope there is someone to rock her and put her to sleep. Today we are putting the baby bed together. I also bought her lifebook today and I am so excited!!!
She has a new pink and crystal chandelier and it will be so pretty in her new room.